


camellias

by Ayana



Category: Persona 5
Genre: End Game Spoilers, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Mutual Idiocy, Mutual Pining, Non-Linear Narrative, Short Chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-05-31
Packaged: 2018-11-06 23:18:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11046411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ayana/pseuds/Ayana
Summary: The blossoms were beautiful, of course. That was one of the ironies of their conditions - they always were.Akira is hopelessly in love. The problem, of course, was that the center of his affection is too. With someone else.





	1. tell me what I know, just to hear your voice

**Author's Note:**

> normally I hate the 'hanahaki disease' plot. but for p5 it just kind of works? like yeah, this is a reality that is regularly warped by the perceptions of others why WOULDN'T unrequited love have horrible effects? and thus.

“The most intriguing thing about the disease process is, I believe, that the feelings of the individual that the sufferer is in ‘love’ with,” a bitter twist on the word ‘love’, like the boy sitting at the counter could barely stand to utter it, “are completely irrelevant.” A cough then, and a gloved hand in front of the mouth in order to hide the truth.

“Why’s that, Akechi?” Akira was rewarded with a smile, just as bitter as his first fumbling attempts at making coffee. A dirty secret of a look, one that was paradoxically beautiful because it was real. In the months that he’d known Akechi, Akira had come to the understanding that the boy detective was very seldom genuine in front of another human being.

A tickle in his own throat, easily smothered. Akechi might have been good at sleight of hand, but Akira was better.

“Because,” in a conspiratorial whisper, “the disease feasts upon the perceptions of the sufferer. If the do not believe that the target of their affections loves them back, then the flowers bloom and grow just the same. In fact, the current medical opinion is that if the bearer believes that their beloved is simply humoring their feelings, the progression is faster. Isn’t that delightfully ironic? A person who martyrs themselves upon the altar of love is more likely to kill someone than one who outright rejects their admirer.”

He’d known this of course. Takemi had given him an extensive education on the subject when he’d brought her the yellow camellia petals he’d coughed up near the end of September. All because he’d forced the issue when Akechi had vomited up a purple lily in the bathroom of Leblanc a month earlier. Wouldn’t let the other boy simply wave him off, no Akira had to peek beneath that mask of the perfect teenage detective. Had to fall in love with the vicious, clever boy that lurked beneath the pleasant plastic exterior. 

The boy who’d already given his heart away and stubbornly refused to give the slightest indication to whom it belonged. Refused the surgery on the grounds that forgetting anyone would be detrimental to his investigations at this point, and he absolutely could not afford to take the time off from the case of the Phantom Thieves for his recovery anyways.

“That’s pretty awful, yeah. What happens if they really do love them back?” Akira knew the answer to that one himself, but he absolutely could not let Akechi catch on to his own feelings. So he had to seem ignorant of anything beyond common knowledge or what could be found with a dedicated afternoon of internet searches.

The boy at the counter just sighed, and planted his chin in his right hand while the left toyed with the handle of his coffee cup. “Doesn’t matter. Like I said, the disease is insidious like that. The only reality that matters is that of the infected.”


	2. secret: (noun) what everyone knows and no one will say

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trying to decide where I'm going with this. because I've definitely got a plot and an ending. just don't know if that's the ending I want to write, because I like happy endings. and this isn't.

“Camellias, huh? Could be worse, I guess.” Tae Takemi was muttering to herself, turning the petal she held in the large metal forceps back and forth in front of her face. “At least they’re only yellow.”

The doctor looked straight on at Akira, who was sitting on the exam table of the small clinic, her gaze tired and a little hopeless. “I’m sure this is a waste of time, but you wouldn’t happen to want the surgery would you? I can do it off the records for you, no reports and no charge. You’ve helped me with so much already, after all.”

He shook his head gently, as sudden movements had been unfortunate in the last couple of days. “No.” It was a quiet statement, Akira’s voice soft and scratchy from the abuse he’d put his throat through already.

He was just glad they’d reached the treasure of Okumura’s palace yesterday, as it had been getting harder and harder to swallow the blossoms back down with each shadow he’d unmasked. Akira was sure that he had an entire bouquet in his stomach now after that last trip to the Metaverse - but none of his teammates had mentioned anything to him yet, so it was worth it. Morgana of course knew, because it had taken him a bit of time to perfect the art of hiding his symptoms, and when a cat-sized being regularly slept on top of someone’s chest (or face because as much as he denied being a cat, Morgana sure had all the downsides of one) a few petals would inevitably come up. But he’d never even said anything to Akira, just looked at him morosely and conveniently batted away stray blossoms and petals out of sight. 

Futaba likely knew about his condition as well with her surveillance on Leblanc, but if she did she was keeping it to herself. Akira was still waiting for his old secondhand laptop to suddenly wake up and spout an aggregate of information from across the internet at him. “No, not now,” he repeated.

Takemi was quick to latch onto the conditional clarification. “Now? Then you might want it later?” The woman turned her swivel chair back around to her desk, and picked up the metal tray Akira had placed the blooms into for her to study. “Because as I’m sure you know, it’s always better to get it done as soon as possible. When the flowers have more time to take root, the damage can be quite extensive. You might not recover full function in your lungs if we wait. And camellias,” at this Takemi used the forceps to grab one of the flowers and hold it up for Akira to see, “can be very invasive if given the time to spread. The woody flowers always are.”

“At least it’s not roses, then?” 

She sighed. “Always ready with a smart answer and that stupid grin, aren’t you?” came the acidic response, the doctor staring at him with her best ‘unimpressed with my idiot patient’ expression. “Yes, roses are troublesome. You would not _believe_ how much damage those thorns can do. But camellias have their own…” she trailed off, peering at his face. Suddenly, Akira had a bin shoved in his hands - just in time. Well, at least he didn’t have to deal with Sojiro seeing him bent over the toilet later. “You idiot. Why?”

“Can’t. Let anyone. See.” He was gasping through the waves of nausea, forcing the words out between heaves, each flower landing in the bin with a sickening ‘plop’. 

“Why are you such… Ugh. Okay, so if you don’t want it now, then when?”

“Later. Before the next school year. I don’t know. Just not now, now would be bad.” Now would be incredibly bad, with Akechi hunting after the Phantom Thieves, the Phantom Thieves in general, and…

And even knowing Akechi was in love with someone else - because it couldn’t be him, they’d only known each other for three months when Akira had found out and Akechi had clearly been suffering for a while - he didn’t want to give up these feelings. Didn’t want to give up their quiet conversations in Leblanc, when Akechi shed his public persona for his adorably petty yet socially clueless true self. Didn’t even want to give up the subtle cat-and-mouse game of dropping hints about the Phantom Thieves, because Akechi was clearly on their trail but there was no way for him to prove anything regarding their identities. 

And he’d lose all of this. No, he’d gladly suffer and trade his future health for what he had now.

“You don’t want it now because it would interfere with…”

“Yeah, exactly.” He smiled and nodded his head. Well, that was _one_ of the reasons, anyways.

“Well then,” and there she was, all business again, and this was why he’d come to Takemi. “There are ways to help manage your condition, certain medications I’d been working on. They’re experimental still, and I haven’t been pursuing that line of treatment very strongly, but as you’ve shown a willingness to be my guinea pig before how about it? I’ll provide them free of charge, so long as you let me examine you weekly.”

“Of course.”


End file.
